| Ryan's Story |
Ryan met Crystal when he was 18, she was 15. They dated and eventually
fell in love. About a year into the relationship, things changed. Crystal's
father called the police and when they arrived, they found a topless picture of
Crystal. Ryan was handcuffed, charged with sexual misconduct of a minor
and child pornography and taken to jail. This is the story of my son (Ryan).
About a week after being arrested, Ryan was bailed out of jail and told not to
see Crystal until the case goes to court. Ryan and Crystal tried to stay away
from one another, but their love for each other took over and they continued
to see one another. This went on for nearly 2 years without a problem.
During that time, I thought to myself, "These are just 2 teenagers in love,
they surely wouldn’t prosecute this case and if they did, there are so many
other teens out there like these two that nobody would care." I was wrong!
In December 2008, Ryan and Crystal were caught together and Ryan was
again handcuffed and taken to jail, with no bail this time. Ryan’s lawyer told
him that these were serious crimes that could land him in prison and on the
sex offender registry. I was frantic. I could not believe this was going this far.
I started researching to see if this had actually happened to any other teens.
To my amazement, it had and it was still happening. In Illinois, the age of
consent for sex is 17 years old. I learned that all across our country, teens
were being charged and prosecuted for being with one another. I learned
that even though they both consented to sex (and the photograph), it was still
illegal to be together. I learned that teenagers were charged and convicted
for emailing and texting nude photos of one another. I learned that even
though these crimes were not violent in any way, teenagers were being
convicted of serious crimes of sexual misconduct, battery, rape and even
child pornography which was sending them to prison and 10 years to life on
sex offender registries. I learned that only 9 states had incorporated the
"Romeo & Juliet" which exempts teens 3 and even 4 years apart in age from
facing these serious punishments. Illinois is not one of them.
During the next 3 months, while waiting for the case to go to trial, as Ryan
sat in jail, I continued my research, started a website (www.love-is-not-a-
crime.com) and an online petition in hopes of educating other teens and
somehow getting the Romeo & Juliet law incorporated in Illinois. I started
communicating with other mothers going through the same thing. I started
writing letters and distributing the link to this website. I even sent a letter with
2 flyers to approximately 120 staff members in various high schools in
hopes of educating other teens. I received only 1 response.
In March 2009, the day of the trial, I was met by Ryan's lawyer who told me
that there was no way to win at trial – their actions would certainly land him in
prison with a possibility of a lifetime on the sex offender registry. As the
tears began streaming down my face, I asked what options were available to
my son. I was told that the prosecuting attorney was willing to offer a plea
which included the following: immediately being released from jail, 1 felony
charge of sexual misconduct (the child pornography case being dropped),
2½ years on probation and 10 years on the sex offender registry. The tears
flowed even heavier now, thinking to myself "how can he have any sort of
life as a felon being considered a sex offender." There was more, we were
told Ryan and Crystal could not be together during his 2 ½ years on
probation - even though she was now 18 and he was 21 - and he would have
to admit that he "forced" himself on her. We were told by his lawyer, and by
Crystal’s father, that in 6 months, they would petition the court to have the
restriction of not being able to see one another removed from his probation.
Crystal and her mother sat next to me in court amazed that this was our only
option. Ryan reluctantly took the plea. With his head hung low, he pled guilty.
Crystal, sitting in the front row of the courtroom, had tears running down her
face. She turned to me and said, "How can they do this, I am NOT a
victim?" I was wondering the same thing.
After court, I waited in the parking lot of the jail for 4½ hours for my son’s
release. Life as a registered sex offender was just beginning.
When Ryan went to his see his probation officer, he was told that he would
have to attend sex offender treatment, along with child molesters and
rapists. He was told that he could not live within 500 feet of a school, park,
church or day care center. He was told that any violation of probation would
land him in prison. He was told he had to report to the police department with
his address and work information to begin the process of being considered
a registered sex offender. He was told he was not allowed around anyone
under the age of 18, unless they were family.
Ryan was able to get his job back – his manager being extremely
understanding of the situation held his job for the 3 months he was in jail.
After working his first full day, he went to report his work information to the
police department. He was told that his job was 300 feet from a school and
he could not work there. They transferred him to another store (28 miles
away rather than 1), but it too was within 500 feet of a school and he was
forced to quit. Now, not only is he a registered sex offender with a felony on
his record, he is unemployed.
I wrote a letter to the Governor and asked how someone with such a label
would be able to have a future. He forwarded my letter the Illinois State
Police, who responded by informing me that the restrictions did NOT apply
to employment. He was still not able to get either job back.
fell in love. About a year into the relationship, things changed. Crystal's
father called the police and when they arrived, they found a topless picture of
Crystal. Ryan was handcuffed, charged with sexual misconduct of a minor
and child pornography and taken to jail. This is the story of my son (Ryan).
About a week after being arrested, Ryan was bailed out of jail and told not to
see Crystal until the case goes to court. Ryan and Crystal tried to stay away
from one another, but their love for each other took over and they continued
to see one another. This went on for nearly 2 years without a problem.
During that time, I thought to myself, "These are just 2 teenagers in love,
they surely wouldn’t prosecute this case and if they did, there are so many
other teens out there like these two that nobody would care." I was wrong!
In December 2008, Ryan and Crystal were caught together and Ryan was
again handcuffed and taken to jail, with no bail this time. Ryan’s lawyer told
him that these were serious crimes that could land him in prison and on the
sex offender registry. I was frantic. I could not believe this was going this far.
I started researching to see if this had actually happened to any other teens.
To my amazement, it had and it was still happening. In Illinois, the age of
consent for sex is 17 years old. I learned that all across our country, teens
were being charged and prosecuted for being with one another. I learned
that even though they both consented to sex (and the photograph), it was still
illegal to be together. I learned that teenagers were charged and convicted
for emailing and texting nude photos of one another. I learned that even
though these crimes were not violent in any way, teenagers were being
convicted of serious crimes of sexual misconduct, battery, rape and even
child pornography which was sending them to prison and 10 years to life on
sex offender registries. I learned that only 9 states had incorporated the
"Romeo & Juliet" which exempts teens 3 and even 4 years apart in age from
facing these serious punishments. Illinois is not one of them.
During the next 3 months, while waiting for the case to go to trial, as Ryan
sat in jail, I continued my research, started a website (www.love-is-not-a-
crime.com) and an online petition in hopes of educating other teens and
somehow getting the Romeo & Juliet law incorporated in Illinois. I started
communicating with other mothers going through the same thing. I started
writing letters and distributing the link to this website. I even sent a letter with
2 flyers to approximately 120 staff members in various high schools in
hopes of educating other teens. I received only 1 response.
In March 2009, the day of the trial, I was met by Ryan's lawyer who told me
that there was no way to win at trial – their actions would certainly land him in
prison with a possibility of a lifetime on the sex offender registry. As the
tears began streaming down my face, I asked what options were available to
my son. I was told that the prosecuting attorney was willing to offer a plea
which included the following: immediately being released from jail, 1 felony
charge of sexual misconduct (the child pornography case being dropped),
2½ years on probation and 10 years on the sex offender registry. The tears
flowed even heavier now, thinking to myself "how can he have any sort of
life as a felon being considered a sex offender." There was more, we were
told Ryan and Crystal could not be together during his 2 ½ years on
probation - even though she was now 18 and he was 21 - and he would have
to admit that he "forced" himself on her. We were told by his lawyer, and by
Crystal’s father, that in 6 months, they would petition the court to have the
restriction of not being able to see one another removed from his probation.
Crystal and her mother sat next to me in court amazed that this was our only
option. Ryan reluctantly took the plea. With his head hung low, he pled guilty.
Crystal, sitting in the front row of the courtroom, had tears running down her
face. She turned to me and said, "How can they do this, I am NOT a
victim?" I was wondering the same thing.
After court, I waited in the parking lot of the jail for 4½ hours for my son’s
release. Life as a registered sex offender was just beginning.
When Ryan went to his see his probation officer, he was told that he would
have to attend sex offender treatment, along with child molesters and
rapists. He was told that he could not live within 500 feet of a school, park,
church or day care center. He was told that any violation of probation would
land him in prison. He was told he had to report to the police department with
his address and work information to begin the process of being considered
a registered sex offender. He was told he was not allowed around anyone
under the age of 18, unless they were family.
Ryan was able to get his job back – his manager being extremely
understanding of the situation held his job for the 3 months he was in jail.
After working his first full day, he went to report his work information to the
police department. He was told that his job was 300 feet from a school and
he could not work there. They transferred him to another store (28 miles
away rather than 1), but it too was within 500 feet of a school and he was
forced to quit. Now, not only is he a registered sex offender with a felony on
his record, he is unemployed.
I wrote a letter to the Governor and asked how someone with such a label
would be able to have a future. He forwarded my letter the Illinois State
Police, who responded by informing me that the restrictions did NOT apply
to employment. He was still not able to get either job back.
| Unbelievable Events That Followed |
A few months later, something unbelievable happened –– something we
never saw coming. After seeing Crystal again and FINALLY deciding that
sneaking around to see one another could not work, they broke up. I was so
happy, I finally felt relieved.
Almost a month later, Crystal found out Ryan was seeing someone else and
went to the police station. She told them that they had been seeing each
other. She told them that Ryan had choked her until she passed out and then
said that they saw one another several times after he supposedly did this to
her. She said they continued to see one another for a few more weeks. In
her video statement to the police (which I have and transcribed, word for
word), she contradicted herself over 25 times. When the police asked her
when they first saw one another after he was released from jail, she gave 3
different answers. When they asked her how these events took place, she
gave 4 separate stories. When they asked her why she would go back to
someone after they choked her, she said she "was in love with him and was
stupid." She told the police that no one ever saw them together, but then
later said that 3 of his female friends hung out with them and watched
movies (after the supposed choking incident). She admitted that she hadn’t
talked to him for 3 weeks before this statement and that it was her father
who was the motivation for her going to the police – the same father she
previously claimed beat her for years and who she threatened to kill (and
wound up in a mental hospital over the threat). When the police asked her
what she wanted to see happen to Ryan, she said, “I want the living crap
scared out of him” and then later said, “if we were caught together, he would
go to prison for 10 years, he has to pay for what he did to me.”
Guess she got her wish . . .
never saw coming. After seeing Crystal again and FINALLY deciding that
sneaking around to see one another could not work, they broke up. I was so
happy, I finally felt relieved.
Almost a month later, Crystal found out Ryan was seeing someone else and
went to the police station. She told them that they had been seeing each
other. She told them that Ryan had choked her until she passed out and then
said that they saw one another several times after he supposedly did this to
her. She said they continued to see one another for a few more weeks. In
her video statement to the police (which I have and transcribed, word for
word), she contradicted herself over 25 times. When the police asked her
when they first saw one another after he was released from jail, she gave 3
different answers. When they asked her how these events took place, she
gave 4 separate stories. When they asked her why she would go back to
someone after they choked her, she said she "was in love with him and was
stupid." She told the police that no one ever saw them together, but then
later said that 3 of his female friends hung out with them and watched
movies (after the supposed choking incident). She admitted that she hadn’t
talked to him for 3 weeks before this statement and that it was her father
who was the motivation for her going to the police – the same father she
previously claimed beat her for years and who she threatened to kill (and
wound up in a mental hospital over the threat). When the police asked her
what she wanted to see happen to Ryan, she said, “I want the living crap
scared out of him” and then later said, “if we were caught together, he would
go to prison for 10 years, he has to pay for what he did to me.”
Guess she got her wish . . .
He was arrested for violating probation (they dropped the so-called
domestic violence charges) and in the end, he wound up in prison. She told
the police that they weren’t supposed to be together and they did it anyway.
She told them that it was HER that went to him and that he NEVER came to
see her. While he was in prison, she got a restraining order against him - he
never even got to appear in court to contest her allegations.
Two days after court, I found her MySpace page . . .
domestic violence charges) and in the end, he wound up in prison. She told
the police that they weren’t supposed to be together and they did it anyway.
She told them that it was HER that went to him and that he NEVER came to
see her. While he was in prison, she got a restraining order against him - he
never even got to appear in court to contest her allegations.
Two days after court, I found her MySpace page . . .
Evil? Yes, I guess she is.
While Ryan sat in prison, Crystal moved on. A month later, when I looked at
her MySpace page again, she was calling herself “Army Wife” – she was
engaged. A couple months after that, she announces she is a “soon to be
mother.” And this is her page today. . .
While Ryan sat in prison, Crystal moved on. A month later, when I looked at
her MySpace page again, she was calling herself “Army Wife” – she was
engaged. A couple months after that, she announces she is a “soon to be
mother.” And this is her page today. . .
While Ryan’s release date was approaching, my excitement grew. I knew the
relationship between him and Crystal was finally over, she had moved on
and he was finally going to get his life back. Did I say “get his life back?”
That’s a joke! His life will never be the same again!
He walked out of prison with more papers in his hands than I had to sign
when I bought my house. We found out he would be on house arrest during
parole (1 year) and had to wear a monitoring bracelet on his ankle. His
parole office told me that I HAD to tell his landlord that he would be renting
to a sex offender. The landlord had a “Notice to Vacate” the property served
a few days later, giving him 2 months to move. We had to take his computer
out of his apartment - even though it doesn’t have internet access. We had
to remove his Japanese swords from his walls. He’s not even allowed to
have a dog. He has to call in any movement ahead of time and wait 2 days
to find out if it is approved. He is not allowed around anyone under the age
of 18, including family members. He is not allowed to go to anyone’s house
during the first 6 months of parole. He cannot live near a school, church,
park or daycare. He has to go to sex offender counseling during the period
of his parole. Sounds like conditions of a murderer doesn’t it? No, a
murderer can do his time and when he’s released he can get his life back. A
sex offender’s life is ruined - even for a teenage consensual relationship!
How could this happen to Ryan? How could the laws and society put him in
this category?
The search for housing has been ongoing since the day he was released.
Out of 12 management companies, 4 were willing to help us. I have checked
into over 200 apartments, trailers and houses. After checking the residency
restrictions (some cities going up to 1500 feet), I have it narrowed to down
to 7 - parole narrowed those 7 down to 2. One of the 2 properties where he
can live, they are building a park next door. We have 1 option left and it’s
over 20 miles away (well, it was nice having him a mile from me for awhile
anyway).
As for employment, well, that’s a joke too! He has filled out over 15
applications, not including the 10 or so I filled out for him online. I put
together a letter explaining his so-called crime, attached his resume to it
(blocking out all personal information) and included a brochure where the
state offers a $2400 tax credit to employers who hire offenders. I took these
letters and mailed them to 88 businesses in our area. We’ve had 1 response
and that was only to refer us to a program at a college – which appears to
be his only option.
Ryan and I sat in his small apartment on Thanksgiving, alone, and we spent
Christmas day there as well, alone. He couldn’t see any of his 9 cousins,
who love him dearly. This isn’t just affecting him, it’s affecting our entire
family.
relationship between him and Crystal was finally over, she had moved on
and he was finally going to get his life back. Did I say “get his life back?”
That’s a joke! His life will never be the same again!
He walked out of prison with more papers in his hands than I had to sign
when I bought my house. We found out he would be on house arrest during
parole (1 year) and had to wear a monitoring bracelet on his ankle. His
parole office told me that I HAD to tell his landlord that he would be renting
to a sex offender. The landlord had a “Notice to Vacate” the property served
a few days later, giving him 2 months to move. We had to take his computer
out of his apartment - even though it doesn’t have internet access. We had
to remove his Japanese swords from his walls. He’s not even allowed to
have a dog. He has to call in any movement ahead of time and wait 2 days
to find out if it is approved. He is not allowed around anyone under the age
of 18, including family members. He is not allowed to go to anyone’s house
during the first 6 months of parole. He cannot live near a school, church,
park or daycare. He has to go to sex offender counseling during the period
of his parole. Sounds like conditions of a murderer doesn’t it? No, a
murderer can do his time and when he’s released he can get his life back. A
sex offender’s life is ruined - even for a teenage consensual relationship!
How could this happen to Ryan? How could the laws and society put him in
this category?
The search for housing has been ongoing since the day he was released.
Out of 12 management companies, 4 were willing to help us. I have checked
into over 200 apartments, trailers and houses. After checking the residency
restrictions (some cities going up to 1500 feet), I have it narrowed to down
to 7 - parole narrowed those 7 down to 2. One of the 2 properties where he
can live, they are building a park next door. We have 1 option left and it’s
over 20 miles away (well, it was nice having him a mile from me for awhile
anyway).
As for employment, well, that’s a joke too! He has filled out over 15
applications, not including the 10 or so I filled out for him online. I put
together a letter explaining his so-called crime, attached his resume to it
(blocking out all personal information) and included a brochure where the
state offers a $2400 tax credit to employers who hire offenders. I took these
letters and mailed them to 88 businesses in our area. We’ve had 1 response
and that was only to refer us to a program at a college – which appears to
be his only option.
Ryan and I sat in his small apartment on Thanksgiving, alone, and we spent
Christmas day there as well, alone. He couldn’t see any of his 9 cousins,
who love him dearly. This isn’t just affecting him, it’s affecting our entire
family.
Where does he go from here? What type of a future does he have now?
Who will hire him to work at their business? He carries the label of a "sex
offender" for at least 10 years (but if the Adam Walsh Act is implemented in
Illinois, he will remain a sex offender for 15-25 years).
Who will hire him to work at their business? He carries the label of a "sex
offender" for at least 10 years (but if the Adam Walsh Act is implemented in
Illinois, he will remain a sex offender for 15-25 years).
| Sign the petition to reform our current laws here: http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/ryanslife/ |
| I'm so sorry for what has happened to you. I Love You, Mom |
| Ryan & Crystal - May 2007 |
| Another amazing encounter in the life of a so-called sex offender. This is life on parole . . . [click here] |
My grandson is going through hell. And he's taking me with him.
Sometimes I still vision the day in court and remember how my grandson's
own lawyer betrayed him. When I see me sitting there, as he was told to tell
the judge it was force, I am filled with self-loathing. I should have shouted
out, "NO, she's here and she wants to be with him!"
The girl was 18 and my grandson was 21 by this time. They had struggled
for years to be together, while the girl's father, and the law, fought to keep
them apart. The father's intent was merely to punish her. High school
sweethearts, that's all they were.
He is in prison for love. He is a criminal for being in love.
How can he find happiness now when simply surviving is almost impossible
once placed on the registry? People wont want to live near him, no one
wants to hire him, he can't walk past a park or even take a child of his own to
school. The public, via the internet, is told to hate and fear him. The
government has destroyed him, his lawyer was paid only to deceive him, his
lover has left him, his country has broken his spirit and taken away his youth,
and his many artistic talents are useless in his dark and lonely future. He's
an outcast even among those who have really committed crimes. A rapist!
I feel helpless, as I cannot protect him from this wake of destruction. Life
appears the same, but it is not. I love my job, but I miss a lot of work now.
Sometimes I cant force myself to go outside, for days at a time. When I
suppress the urge to cry, there is screaming inside and my head. It is not
the same for him - isolation and locked away?
This is not self-pity; it is the intense agony of having your loved one ripped
away from you. He has been torn from his own life and thrown into the pits
of endless despair. How can his mom and I ever fix this?!
If prison is punishment, he is being punished for feeling love. If he is being
rehabilitated, I ask . . . from what? and to what? When such a devastating
thing is done to someone, we assume it comes from our enemies. I wonder
how it feels when it is done by our "protectors?" Who is who anymore?
What kind of person will my grandson be after living a nightmare behind
bars? Once freed of prison, he faces the hateful, tiny world barely allowed
him, only to be treated like a monster.
I hope there is enough of him left to let him love again. It feels like
doomsday!
A Grandmother in Illinois
Sometimes I still vision the day in court and remember how my grandson's
own lawyer betrayed him. When I see me sitting there, as he was told to tell
the judge it was force, I am filled with self-loathing. I should have shouted
out, "NO, she's here and she wants to be with him!"
The girl was 18 and my grandson was 21 by this time. They had struggled
for years to be together, while the girl's father, and the law, fought to keep
them apart. The father's intent was merely to punish her. High school
sweethearts, that's all they were.
He is in prison for love. He is a criminal for being in love.
How can he find happiness now when simply surviving is almost impossible
once placed on the registry? People wont want to live near him, no one
wants to hire him, he can't walk past a park or even take a child of his own to
school. The public, via the internet, is told to hate and fear him. The
government has destroyed him, his lawyer was paid only to deceive him, his
lover has left him, his country has broken his spirit and taken away his youth,
and his many artistic talents are useless in his dark and lonely future. He's
an outcast even among those who have really committed crimes. A rapist!
I feel helpless, as I cannot protect him from this wake of destruction. Life
appears the same, but it is not. I love my job, but I miss a lot of work now.
Sometimes I cant force myself to go outside, for days at a time. When I
suppress the urge to cry, there is screaming inside and my head. It is not
the same for him - isolation and locked away?
This is not self-pity; it is the intense agony of having your loved one ripped
away from you. He has been torn from his own life and thrown into the pits
of endless despair. How can his mom and I ever fix this?!
If prison is punishment, he is being punished for feeling love. If he is being
rehabilitated, I ask . . . from what? and to what? When such a devastating
thing is done to someone, we assume it comes from our enemies. I wonder
how it feels when it is done by our "protectors?" Who is who anymore?
What kind of person will my grandson be after living a nightmare behind
bars? Once freed of prison, he faces the hateful, tiny world barely allowed
him, only to be treated like a monster.
I hope there is enough of him left to let him love again. It feels like
doomsday!
A Grandmother in Illinois
| Collateral Damage Written by Ryan's Grandmother |